Kick Rocks

These games I am over... The fights I am over... The no trust I am over... Do you please because I can't do this any more... If you can't look at me and see I am enough than you need to find the one that is... I feel no pain or regrets this time... So don't let my door hit you in the behind... I have said it once and yes I will say it again I know my worth... And I am so much better than this situation you have me in... Your chains you thought you had on me... Ha! I have the key... And all the words you try to curse me with will only come back to you... don't scream and shout cause that is not what my love is about! Save your time and energy because I have tuned you out... Please delete my pictures and delete my number and I shall do the same... When you see me please don't speak... I rather think of you as an old nightmare that won't hound me anymore.... And I am ready to move on to my good dreams!!!

Over and over

So meant to be but just wont be... We fight against what is right... I don't know why but we do or maybe we are just two fools... In love is what we are and what we will be, we even considered starting a family! But the devil continues to come in and drive us apart and we allow this to happen :( We break up, we get back together, we break up, we get back together... Countless times I cant even imagine... When do we give up... I'm tired and I know you are too! Maybe there just shouldn't be a me and you.... I think I am at the point I love you enough to let you go... If you are to find happiness out there I don't know... But if you ask you shall receive but then you stop and think about it... There is no you without me! So I am sure this foolish circle will continue until the lead in the pencil breaks then we may just separate!

How do you see me???

When you look at me what do you see??? I think I am a strong black woman... Hard on the outside but so soft on the inside... Yeah I walk and talk like don't nothing bother me... But I have a heart too... My hair... I wear it how I feel... It changes one style is to boring for me cut it, grow it, dye it who cares that is how I express my flare... Keep my baby hairs styled just right on my forhead which I dont consider big... Down to my slim nose which is just right for my face... When I smile my cheack bones pop out but in a cute way with a faint dimple on each side... My lips...Oh my lips sexy and full and soft to the touch! The shape of my body just right for my frame not small, not big, but just right... How do you see me?

New Experience!!!

I have given you so many new experiences.... You will never forget me... So when she tries it... Ha! Nope I did it first tell her try the next thing... Nope I did that too... I am the best and none can be better... But I can't stop them from trying!!! Oh shit you remember.... Yeap! Constantly I am in your head... That song that is playing in the background... Awww does it make you think of me!!! Damn don't blame her cause she don't do it like I do can't ride it like I do... You thought you could find another me... Naw babe your boys lied... I told you to listen to me.... But now you sit and stare and can't get me out your head... Where are your boys now... Those hoes yea they only wanted one thing... Don't come home from work early cause she is now with your boy... I know I know with me you didn't have to worry about that... Again a new experience... I will always be the first and the last remember that!

You're the One

This song says it all... I never thought someone could just be your everything... But now I believe that it's possible... What is not perfect for one person is perfect to someone else... The thing is when you find this it may just be smart to hold on to it because you just don't find Mrs. or Mr. right every day! When you find the one you  will know... Your heart, body, and mind will confirm the feeling for you ;)

New New!

I open my eyes and see more clear... I stop talking and listen to the sounds that I once wasn't able to hear... A new beginning..... A changed me.... I will look forward and learn from what I used to be.... I smile because I make myself happy.... No need to wait for complements or approval because these things I am now sure of for myself.... This is a crazy world that we are in.... But I will make the best of it and aim to win.... No more holding me down, no more me wearing a frown, no more you getting under my skin... I am here now and I am ready to win!!!

Sleepless

Sleepless night... What to do... I don't know is this because of you... Well that means you are still a part of me and I have not yet let go... But at this point I wont let my feelings show.... This is now a turning point in life and yet I stand here not knowing which turn to make... How I hope this time I make the right decision for my own sake... My feelings are all over the place... I cant figure anything out... At some points I want to shout... But that wont help so I begin to cry as I look at myself in the mirror and ask myself why??? Its because I love you more than life itself, more than a trophy on my shelf... Without you I feel like I'm not me and me loving you is how it should be... So I will walk this walk day by day and hope one day to hear you say __________.....

On to the Next One

You are funny.... A lost... Never... Am I cocky well maybe when it comes to this.... I wont trash you... My momma told me if I don't have nothing nice to say don't say anything... Dang.... Well lets just say I had fun and it was out of my box... Now that it's over I will walk away okay... Do you boo... Enjoy your life.... You only have one... But what we had could never be fixed so hell lets stop trying... So friends???? Agreed.... I can be that.... So yes now I am on to the next... Lets close that drama book and try a new one.... On to the next one.....LOL....

My Worth

Baby I have given you me... All of me... Parts of me that I didn't even know existed... But how long baby how long must I wait.... I have showed you my world and it's up on you to decide to join me... But honey if you cant see what is standing before you then you cant see... Because I know I am good... I know I am worth the drama, tears, and pain... Yes that's right I know my worth... But do you??? Well they say a good woman is a hard thing to find.... well you have found yours.... Now lets make a history together... How about it???

Vent

I am me like it or not.... I am so tired of trying to make everyone else happy... Why??? If I live my life that way at the end of the day who is there to care about me??? No one... So I will use the energy that I use on other people and use it on myself....

And Guys DAMN.... Chill out.... Just because you see a girl that is hot that doesn't mean she wants you.... And use some manners and maybe just maybe you will get some where with her.... But chasing after her like some crazy isn't going to help you.... Please take it from me... And LADIES if you like that you need some you time... Because don't use any type of attention from a man to help your self esteem... If you can't love yourself for you then you are no good for anyone.... I'm just saying...

And Love.... Oh Sh*t!!!! I want to say F**k love but then I might just miss out on what is for me... SO as for that I will just say I am mad right now but Love is still possible...

Okay Peeps sorry for going off but hell that is what is in my head.....

80/20

So there is something called the 80/20 rule. This was something that was on " Why Did I Get Married". It's when you are with your spouse (your 80%) and you cheat on them with someone that you think is better. But is not! This person you cheat with only gives you the little things that your spouse doesn't which is your (20%). Some people leave their spouse for this (20%) because it seems better at the time but don't realize that it is a mask. Once you leave then you realize how much your spouse (80%) really was to you and want to go back!

So as a woman that has been cheated on by her husband. I so agreed in this. I thought it summed up everything until the tables turned. I now have other questions...

What if you really ended up marrying your (20%) and you find your (80%)? And of course you fall head over hills with your (80%) because you never knew things could be the way they are since you weren't getting that from your (20%) that you ended up marrying.

So if your man is a cheater no don't stand for that. Leave his butt. But if its just this one woman he seems to never leave alone. You may want to consider that she may just be his (80%). Although it hurts because I have been in this place and I just didn't understand why her. Why he just couldn't let her go. Now I know. She was more to him than me. She fit just right! She was his (80%) and I was the (20%). Not because I am less of a woman or that I wasn't a good wife. But just because she was meant for him. So before you want to go off yelling how you are your mans (80%) take the time to consider that you just MAY be his (20%).

This Fight!

This fight with myself between whats right and wrong...  Ughhh it's driving me crazy. Dont get me wrong I know the right thing to do. But the wrong just feels so right! Or if it isnt right as of now it could become right. But I have come to realize that you can only fight for what wants to be fought for. And when there is no more that you can do.... Do I just give up??? Do I walk away from what I believe is just for me??? If this was for me I would have it! If this was right there would be no guessing... This battle in my head that seems like it will never end...  But maybe soon it will... Time and space always helps right??? Or will it be the oppisite. Will I feel like I am missing a part of me? I guess this is one of thoes to be continued. Even though a part of me wants this to be the end. My Mind, body and soul just wont let it be...

Well to be continued.......

The Open Sea

The ocean is a beautiful thing. Some people only can compare this to going to the beach but oh man to be out in the middle of the open ocean with no land for many miles is like no other.

In the day time the way the sun hits you face and penetrates the water. the different shades of blue that you never knew really existed. The underwater mountains that you have to be careful of but yet they show the beauty from the deep blue. Its more than relaxing. Its an experience that must be had.

At night.... Wow. the stars light up the sky and if the moon is up that has become your flash light. You will see shooting star over and over. You can even see planets  from out there. I never even knew that was possible. the way the paint from the boat lets off fragments that glow in the water as we move. The way the wind blows your hair across your face. The temperature is just perfect not cold, not hot, just right!

This world that God created is just beautiful.

This Crazy Ride Part 2!

So we reached a point where no one could touch us and then we hit a low that I could have never seen. What just happened? Is this a dream? So I stopped us only to wait for the future not because feelings had changed but more because the timing wasn't right. But then....You... did something that the man I thought I knew would never do. You have hurt me in a way I am not sure how to cope with. But yet I lay in my bed arguing with my thoughts and my heart. Because even through the thing you did to hurt me my heart still seems to want to love you... And as much as I wish I never met you. There still is no one like you... Wow... My best friend that is what you were to me.... Now we have been ordered not to talk... And when I do see you I try to not look you in the eyes... But I cant help it and I see you only wish things went different or that you could just say something. But when you look back into my eye you see the hurt and betrayal that you have caused. I want to close the book but it seems to have iron pages that refuse to turn... So I guess this means....


To be continued........

World Wind

Life is so crazy it's one thing after another. Cant seem to get my head straight. Don't know who to trust. I feel betrayed by the one I trusted the most. Feel abandoned by the one I love the most. But yet I have to wake up and walk around as if my life is fine. Wear a smile on my face although inside I am crying. How did I get here? How did I F**k up this bad? Why does the things that I know I deserve become not tangible? I'm sitting here with my insides ripped up. But tomorrow again I have to get up and wear a smile like it's all okay. Like I tell people if you only knew my story and all that I have been through. But I have nothing more than my faith that it will all get better. I hope sooner than later but God please just let the better come. I am at my lowest of lows and the ones I should be able to count on now are not there in the ways I need them to be. But in the end there is God and yet he has never failed me. When I think HE has forgotten me HE will step in right when I am ready to tap out!!! Well God I'm almost to that point so please hear my cry....

Let Me Go

You have done your damage... You have said what you needed to say... I have honestly listen but I have no words to say... But I need you to move on and leave me behind... Because if you love me like you say I am asking you give me this one thing.... Give me a chance to enjoy my life.... Let me have the thing I would never have with you.... Please just let me go and I am hoping the best for you... I say nothing to you because I have no nice words at all.... I don't look at you because I don't want to see you fall.... All I am asking is please Let Me Go!

Pushing

You keep pushing and pushing and I am trying to hold on. You are pushing and pushing I am trying to stay strong... I am try to have tunnel vision trying to keep my eye on the prize... But as I have said you keep pushing and pushing me... Just waiting for me to explode waiting till  I say I cant take this anymore.... But if you keep pushing I will be gone and you will have no one to push....

You Are!

Without you I am not a complete me... Without you my heart doesn't beat the same... I light up when I see your face... My day goes so much better when you are a part of it... For so long we never fought... (But as they say everyone needs to argue time to time) And that day came.... But surprisingly it wasn't like a argument that I had with anyone else... We solved this thing that seemed to be a big issue at the time... Then we smile and continue to love each other... And the nights that I refuse to talk anymore and we go to sleep angry we don't sleep well and in the morning its a great effort to make it right again.... To lose you seems to be not an option... How can I continue when I have found that one in this great big world... But know that I chose you... Because everything the next guy isn't you are! So in the end I know that you are the one for me...

Unborn

A woman is who brought you into this word... A woman stretched out her body to allow you to grow inside her... Then she went through a pain greater then none other to bring you into this world. So if your mother is still alive make sure she knows that you love her...

The feeling a mother gets when she feels her child's first kick, when she has her ultrasounds... Priceless!!!

But sometime a woman is put in a predicament where that unborn child is just not a good edition to her life... No it shouldn't be that way... Like "oh I am to busy to have a child right now" or "I am not in a place to raise a child"... But yet woman every day make this HARD decision....

So that woman will not feel those kicks or have her belly stretch, or the morning sickness.... But know a woman with a heart will feel the pain of losing her child...

(Tears........) But don't judge because you don't know her story!