My Worth

Baby I have given you me... All of me... Parts of me that I didn't even know existed... But how long baby how long must I wait.... I have showed you my world and it's up on you to decide to join me... But honey if you cant see what is standing before you then you cant see... Because I know I am good... I know I am worth the drama, tears, and pain... Yes that's right I know my worth... But do you??? Well they say a good woman is a hard thing to find.... well you have found yours.... Now lets make a history together... How about it???

Vent

I am me like it or not.... I am so tired of trying to make everyone else happy... Why??? If I live my life that way at the end of the day who is there to care about me??? No one... So I will use the energy that I use on other people and use it on myself....

And Guys DAMN.... Chill out.... Just because you see a girl that is hot that doesn't mean she wants you.... And use some manners and maybe just maybe you will get some where with her.... But chasing after her like some crazy isn't going to help you.... Please take it from me... And LADIES if you like that you need some you time... Because don't use any type of attention from a man to help your self esteem... If you can't love yourself for you then you are no good for anyone.... I'm just saying...

And Love.... Oh Sh*t!!!! I want to say F**k love but then I might just miss out on what is for me... SO as for that I will just say I am mad right now but Love is still possible...

Okay Peeps sorry for going off but hell that is what is in my head.....

80/20

So there is something called the 80/20 rule. This was something that was on " Why Did I Get Married". It's when you are with your spouse (your 80%) and you cheat on them with someone that you think is better. But is not! This person you cheat with only gives you the little things that your spouse doesn't which is your (20%). Some people leave their spouse for this (20%) because it seems better at the time but don't realize that it is a mask. Once you leave then you realize how much your spouse (80%) really was to you and want to go back!

So as a woman that has been cheated on by her husband. I so agreed in this. I thought it summed up everything until the tables turned. I now have other questions...

What if you really ended up marrying your (20%) and you find your (80%)? And of course you fall head over hills with your (80%) because you never knew things could be the way they are since you weren't getting that from your (20%) that you ended up marrying.

So if your man is a cheater no don't stand for that. Leave his butt. But if its just this one woman he seems to never leave alone. You may want to consider that she may just be his (80%). Although it hurts because I have been in this place and I just didn't understand why her. Why he just couldn't let her go. Now I know. She was more to him than me. She fit just right! She was his (80%) and I was the (20%). Not because I am less of a woman or that I wasn't a good wife. But just because she was meant for him. So before you want to go off yelling how you are your mans (80%) take the time to consider that you just MAY be his (20%).

This Fight!

This fight with myself between whats right and wrong...  Ughhh it's driving me crazy. Dont get me wrong I know the right thing to do. But the wrong just feels so right! Or if it isnt right as of now it could become right. But I have come to realize that you can only fight for what wants to be fought for. And when there is no more that you can do.... Do I just give up??? Do I walk away from what I believe is just for me??? If this was for me I would have it! If this was right there would be no guessing... This battle in my head that seems like it will never end...  But maybe soon it will... Time and space always helps right??? Or will it be the oppisite. Will I feel like I am missing a part of me? I guess this is one of thoes to be continued. Even though a part of me wants this to be the end. My Mind, body and soul just wont let it be...

Well to be continued.......

The Open Sea

The ocean is a beautiful thing. Some people only can compare this to going to the beach but oh man to be out in the middle of the open ocean with no land for many miles is like no other.

In the day time the way the sun hits you face and penetrates the water. the different shades of blue that you never knew really existed. The underwater mountains that you have to be careful of but yet they show the beauty from the deep blue. Its more than relaxing. Its an experience that must be had.

At night.... Wow. the stars light up the sky and if the moon is up that has become your flash light. You will see shooting star over and over. You can even see planets  from out there. I never even knew that was possible. the way the paint from the boat lets off fragments that glow in the water as we move. The way the wind blows your hair across your face. The temperature is just perfect not cold, not hot, just right!

This world that God created is just beautiful.

This Crazy Ride Part 2!

So we reached a point where no one could touch us and then we hit a low that I could have never seen. What just happened? Is this a dream? So I stopped us only to wait for the future not because feelings had changed but more because the timing wasn't right. But then....You... did something that the man I thought I knew would never do. You have hurt me in a way I am not sure how to cope with. But yet I lay in my bed arguing with my thoughts and my heart. Because even through the thing you did to hurt me my heart still seems to want to love you... And as much as I wish I never met you. There still is no one like you... Wow... My best friend that is what you were to me.... Now we have been ordered not to talk... And when I do see you I try to not look you in the eyes... But I cant help it and I see you only wish things went different or that you could just say something. But when you look back into my eye you see the hurt and betrayal that you have caused. I want to close the book but it seems to have iron pages that refuse to turn... So I guess this means....


To be continued........

World Wind

Life is so crazy it's one thing after another. Cant seem to get my head straight. Don't know who to trust. I feel betrayed by the one I trusted the most. Feel abandoned by the one I love the most. But yet I have to wake up and walk around as if my life is fine. Wear a smile on my face although inside I am crying. How did I get here? How did I F**k up this bad? Why does the things that I know I deserve become not tangible? I'm sitting here with my insides ripped up. But tomorrow again I have to get up and wear a smile like it's all okay. Like I tell people if you only knew my story and all that I have been through. But I have nothing more than my faith that it will all get better. I hope sooner than later but God please just let the better come. I am at my lowest of lows and the ones I should be able to count on now are not there in the ways I need them to be. But in the end there is God and yet he has never failed me. When I think HE has forgotten me HE will step in right when I am ready to tap out!!! Well God I'm almost to that point so please hear my cry....